Tim Burton @ MoMA - NY
The Museum of Modern Art in New York is exhibiting works of famous filmmaker Tim Burton through the end of April 2010. Living in Chicago, I’m obviously unable to attend but after perusing photos of the exhibition over the world wide inter-web, I’m reminded of his apotheosis within ‘Alternative’ culture. America’s sub-cultures love Burton as they identify themselves with his dark, angst riddled (yet lovable) characters, most notably Edward Scissorhands.
Abandoned by his father/maker, Edward grew up alone in a deserted mansion/factory on top of a hill in suburbia. He remained in solitude until a Avon saleswomen stumbles upon him and his zoo garden. He appears out of the dark corners of his attic looking like a Gothic S&M doll with powder white skin and black massicist leather. On top all this, HIS HANDS WERE SCISSORS!
The Avon lady wanted to save him and introduce him to something more ‘domestic’, ‘real’, and ‘genuine’, so she brought the recluse to SUBURBIA. There he proceeded to decapitate stuffed animals, trim hedges (pun intended), puncture waterbeds, and win Winona’s wooing heart. Such ‘typical’ behavior of an ‘atypical’ teen.
Although this was a great movie, I remain plagued with several ‘deep’ philosophical questions about Edward (the Gothic, part-human/part-machine, man-child). Here are my questions: What if Edward was real? What would he have been like at my former high school? Would we have been ‘homeys’? What ‘clique’ would he have ‘roled’ with? Would he have driven a fast car? Would he have joined Homecoming Committee?
I soon realized that Edward Scissorhands would have probably assumed the role of the loner. The ‘popular’ would have picked on him cause he had only one set of leather clothes and simply because his hands were made out of razor sharp metal.
That being said, what if my former high school was filled with part-human, part-machine movie stars? What ‘roles’ or ‘stereotypes’ would they have assumed?
Here are my thoughts:
- Edward Scissorhands (from Edward Scissorhands): Dark and Gothic Loner who’d rigidly roamed the halls with stiff arms to his sides. He’d have a secret affair with the Spanish teacher who’d think of Gaudi as they kissed.
- RoboCop (from RoboCop): Hallway monitor. His infrared eyes would sense the heat emanating from the cigarettes in the bathroom stalls. Def. Narc!
- Caprica: (from Battlestar Gallactica): Head cheerleader. Would walk the halls with her cloned crew of cheerleaders while civilization gawked at their every move.
- Del Spooner (from I, Robot): Star running back. Super stiff stiff-arm.
- Darth Vader (from Star Wars): Saturday Detention Supervisor. He’d utilize the ‘Power of the Force’ which would choke out all the ‘Emilios’ & ‘Ringwalds’.
- Athena (from Battlestar Gallactica): Smart, pretty, and Asian ‘popular chick’. The other Asian kids would be nice to her at church but call her ‘Twinkie’ behind her back.
- JS
